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back from the edge

I made a choice to stop writing here mid-summer. It felt like the right thing to do because I felt insane.

I try so hard — too hard — in the summer to do all of the things. I kept pushing my kids to prioritize — “What do you most want to do? Just pick two things” — but I sort of failed to follow my own instructions. I wanted to write. And exercise. And work. And garden. And play all day. And go on vacation. And work on all the stuff I had not gotten around to during the school year.

I’m not terribly realistic sometimes with the to-do lists.

Overwhelmed, I whittled the priorities down. The list became:

  1. Stay alive.
  2. Stay sane.
  3. Bathe, on occasion.

And we did it! Success! We are all alive, we have not been locked up in the mental ward and we are (mostly) clean.

So I gave up the writing. Whether that saved me from insanity or caused it, I’m not sure. I know that I need moments of introspection that writing provides, but I also need to not try so hard all the time to do everything just right. Dissolving into a useless, twitching blob is sometimes the best way to encounter the Grace and Strength that comes from who we really are and not who we’re trying to be.

But I am equally desperate and elated to be back on here again.

 

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