learning / nourish / soul care

appetites

appetite

The main reason I’m not a vegetarian is cows. Cows are delicious. Even so, I only want cows every once in a while; I’m not a meat girl.

The main reason I’m not thinner is cookies. Cookies are delicious and I want them everyday. And if cookies aren’t available, I’m pretty content with any and all other carb options, it doesn’t even have to involve sugar: oatmeal, bread, beans and rice, toast, popcorn, cereal.

But I’m learning something: the more carbs I eat, the less I crave protein. On a carb binge, three bites of grilled chicken sounds impossible to get down. And the less protein I eat, the more quickly I run out of energy until I become a useless blob of humanity.

When that happens I have a choice: I can eat a bowl of granola or I can force down those three bites of chicken. The granola always sounds better. But the chicken is what I need.

——–

This past week felt like a game of Tetris. Blocks kept falling down and I had to find places for them to fit into my schedule and as more blocks fit into place, the faster they came. So that after school on Thursday, when my daughter asked if she could make a cushion involving newspaper and a grocery bag, I nearly burst into tears. I simply didn’t have a garbage-cushion size spot available.

When have too much to do, what I want more than anything else is to accomplish things, to make a to do list and not sit down until its done. But what I need is rest. And rest sounds painful. It sounds impossible.

————-

When our appetites make demands, when our cravings roar, it’s usually the opposite that will satisfy.

Yesterday I did nothing. It hurt. I was fighting with myself all day — well, mowing the lawn isn’t exactly work — but I stopped, I rested. It felt good and awful all at once.

And this morning when I woke up, there was no game of Tetris. There were blocks, yes, but I had the clarity of soul to put them where they go…and they don’t always go in this week or the next. Sometimes they go in the garbage.

Sometimes our appetites tell us what we need and sometimes they lie. But our truest self — God-in-us — doesn’t lie.

Rest. Take a vacation from your appetites, even if it is painful. They will quiet down give your truest desires will have a chance to speak.

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